I have recently become interested in learning about the enneagram. I have discovered that I am an enneagram 9, which explains a lot. Initially discovering this didn't really impact my life other than when people asked what enneagram I was I had an answer for them. Sleeping at Last has been one of my favorite artists for several years, but after listening to their song "Nine" in depth and listening to the corresponding podcast I wanted to dive deeper.
In the podcast the speakers revealed that the enneagram 9 often times ignores themself and puts others before them. This sounds like a good thing, but it is actually one of our biggest weaknesses. When we ignore our thoughts, desires, past, etc. then we forget who we truly are. So, I was led to wanting to attend to myself and try to understand who I am. Writing is the best way for me to do that. So, now I will reveal to you one groundbreaking thing that I discovered about myself.
Love is a complicated thing, but it is something we all desire. Although I am seeking God and His kingdom first, secondly I desire love to share with a man on this earth. "Love" is a word that is often just thrown around, but in this context I mean "love" in its depth. I mean "love" as the deepest connection that can be made between two people. I never really thought that we all desire love in different ways until I realized why I desire love. I honestly think that I desire to love more than I desire to be loved. I want to be able to submit to someone and to love them greater than I've ever been able to love another human. I want to love someone so much that fully supporting them will come so easily. If a man is of God, I know that they will seek to glorify God in everything and lead me to desire nothing but that, too.
I have come to the conclusion that settling is not an option, but that deciding whether or not a man is right for me is quite simple. Seeking God first, of course, if a man comes along in pursuit of me I can discern whether or not it is from God. If it is of God, the man will be on mission for two things:
The Great Commandment "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself." (Matthew 22:37-39).
The Great Commission "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you." (Matthew 28: 19-20).
If he has these two points as his driving force of life, then He is pursuing the same as I am. Our missions will align and God will be central to our relationship. We will have the same purpose. If He loves God with all that he is, He knows what real love is. He knows what a consistent, faithful, generous, peaceful, fruitful, and fulfilling relationship is. If he loves others as he loves himself, then he is glorifying God and is loving His creation. He would welcome others with open arms, like Jesus would. If he is pursuing the Great Commission, then he knows that God gave him a purpose to be a vessel to grow the Kingdom. Together we could do these things. So, I will not settle for anyone who does not share in these life missions because God's purpose for my life is too important for an imperfect human man to lead me astray from it.
I have come to learn much more than this through God's faithfulness in revealing my faults and my strengths and my purpose. The enneagram has just been one way for me to discover more about the person God created me to be. It has led me to find this one revelation I that I thought I would share. I hope this spoke even a little bit to you and to the desires of your heart.